Remus' Literal Little Furry Problem
by Dimcairien
Summary: We all know that the Marauders called Remus werewolf issue his 'little furry problem' and that Hogwarts thought he had a badly behaved rabbit, but what if Remus actually had just that? What would it be like if James and Sirius decided to give Remus a rabbit one year?


**_This plot bunny arrived to me via _****_readingwizard4, again from Point Given's forum. Through very interesting discussions, the most random ideas and mental images can come._**

**_I apologise for any crazy insanity as this was mainly written between the hours of twelve and one AM._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own the various names that are argued over._**

It was entirely normal for completely odd situations to take place on the Hogwarts Express, and 1 September 1975 was no exception. Granted, it dealt with the Marauders, so abnormality was completely normal for them.

The four Marauders always sat together on the train, though the first part of the train ride generally included James trying (and failing) to get Lily to join them. This trip also included Remus attending his first Prefect meeting, but as Lily was also in there, James was waiting until Remus returned to go find his Lily. Once Remus was back and while they were waiting for James to come back to their compartment, the remaining three Marauders were having a discussion that revolved around Remus' 'furry little problem'.

"Oi, Remus!" called Sirius as he sat down on the seat. "You know your little furry problem?"

"Not here!" said Remus in a loud whisper. His back was turned towards Sirius and Peter as he lifted his trunk up on his shoulder to put it away.

"Moony, we're in a compartment that is soundproofed," Peter stated. "There's no way anyone can hear anything that takes place in here."

"That may be true, Wormtail, but still, you know I hate it whenever it's mentioned," Remus replied as he dropped the trunk and turned to glare sharply at his two friends.

"Well, back to it, I just got a great idea to help keep even more people off of your trail," continued Sirius.

"Do I even want to know?" Remus groaned as he finally finished getting his trunk into the overhead compartment, but Sirius continued.

"For the last few weeks of last term, a lot of people thought you owned a rabbit that wasn't very gentle," Sirius added, as if there hadn't been an interruption.

"Where are you going with this?" Remus quickly asked as he sat down across from the two. He had a feeling that this was a very bad idea, as it had been when he had agreed to join there little group, when they had found out he was a werewolf, and when he had agreed to make that map.

"Look, if you want people to believe you have a badly behaved rabbit, you should have a badly behaved rabbit," Sirius said simply and sat back with his arms crossed.

At that moment the compartment door opened and James entered. His hair was bright orange and he had spots all over his face, but that had nothing to do with the extreme sadness that was on his face.

"What happened to you Prongs?" asked Remus, though he already knew the answer. For some odd reason, he hoped it was Snape, but figured that both Snape and Lily would have done it to James, as it had to have been at least one of them.

"Lily," answered James sadly as he flung himself dramatically onto the seat next to Remus. "Ah Lily, the love of my life is refusing my most gentlemanly actions."

"She's still refusing?" asked Peter.

"Are you an idiot, Wormy?" asked Sirius jokingly. "Of course she refused! Can't you see Prongs' face?"

Remus slowly shook his head and pulled out his wand to turn James back into a more respectable looking person. Once that was finished, their conversation continued.

"So, what did I miss?" asked James as he settled into a more human-like position.

"Sirius here was just about to do something that is probably very stupid," sated Remus matter-of-factly.

"Sirius!" cried James as he leapt up. "I thought we were going to do it together!"

"What thing?" asked Sirius in a mocking tone while Remus and Peter looked on in complete confusion.

"You know, Flopsy!" James replied.

"Flopsy?"said Sirius with one raised eyebrow. "Flopsy?"

"You try a better one!" cried James as he threw up his hands, reached into the overhead compartment, and pulled down a cardboard box. Remus buried his head in a book and Peter looked on in confusion.

"Very well, I will," said Sirius firmly. "Get ready for it, … Bre'r."

"What kind of a name is that?" James set the box down carefully on the seat and sat down gently.

"What kind of a name is Flopsy?"

"Would you two please shut up!" shouted Remus, finally loosing his patience. "If you two are going to do something stupid, do it while on the train and avoid loosing us any house points before the year begins."

"We weren't planning on doing anything stupid!" said James in mock horror.

"Like we'd do anything stupid when there's a Prefect in the car," Sirius muttered under his breath. "I still swear something was wrong with Dumbledore's head when he sent you that badge."

"Would you rather one of us had it?" asked James. "Think of the horrors of being a Prefect!"

"Oh, right, but still, a Marauder isn't supposed to be a Prefect!" said Sirius. "They're supposed to be bringers of chaos not stoppers."

Remus groaned and hid his face with the book. He too wondered why Dumbledore had made him a Prefect, especially with his condition. The only logical explanation for his instatement was elimination. Peter was too timid, and James and Sirius were too rowdy to be trusted with the Prefect position, and as Remus was the only boy left in their year, it came down to him. The Gryffindor boys of his year had been the smallest group. It was rumoured that the Sorting Hat equally divided the students, but that never happened. There were nearly one hundred students in his year, yet only four Gryffindor boys.

"Remus! Remus!"

"Oi! Moony!"

Remus was jostled out of his thoughts by something soft and wiggly touching his face. It took a few seconds for his eyes to register and once they were in focus, he came face to face with a little white rabbit.

"What's this?" he asked slowly, not moving in order to not scare the rabbit.

"This is too make your 'furry little problem' more believable," stated Sirius. "And it's name is Bre'r."

"Flopsy!"

"Bre'r!"

"Flopsy!"

"Bre'r!"

"Flo-"

"Stop it! You two do know that I have the power to put you in detention," said Remus as he deposited the rabbit onto the seat next to him.

"You wouldn't!" said Sirius as he stared in true horror at his friend.

"Try me," said Remus as he struggled to keep a straight face. He desperately wanted to laugh, but it was also fun to see the looks of terror that his friends were giving him.

"Please, Remus, don't put us in detention!" begged Sirius.

"I don't think one more detention would make a difference," said Remus slowly. "You two both have around two-hundred detentions to your name. Each, I may add."

"We're still trying for the most detentions, right?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, and we'll probably get the record," said Sirius proudly. "That is, if Mr Prefect will continue to help us."

"Sirius!" cried Remus. "You …" Remus couldn't think of what to say as he had had his fair share of detentions and had gotten caught with the other Marauders numerous times. Giving up on that conversation, he turned back to the rabbit. "So, what is this for?"]

"You now have a literal furry problem that you can share without worry," stated James.

"You do know that rabbits aren't allowed," said Remus.

"Ah, who cares," said Sirius flippantly. "You can always transfigure it into a rat to bring it in. Once inside, no one's going to care."

"Sirius," Remus groaned as he placed his head in his hands. He was rather annoyed with his friends right now, but the rabbit was quite an interesting idea and anyway, he didn't want to get them into trouble. "Thanks for the rabbit guys, quite the idea."

"What are you going to name it?" asked Peter as James and Sirius both shouted their preferred names.

"Bugs," announced Remus and he laughed at the confusion on all of his friend's faces. Naturally they wouldn't get the joke, and especially in the case of James and Sirius, he didn't want them to see the television show he had gotten the name from. If he thought they were bad, if they ever watched _Looney Tunes_, they'd be even crazier.

Remus plucked the rabbit up from the seat and placed it in a small cage he quickly conjured up. "This will certainly be the talk of the tower," he said. "Now, this cannot be a sweet, innocent bunny if it's supposed to be my 'furry little problem'. What should we do to ensure a slight amount of trouble with it, but not harm the rabbit?"

So, for most of the remainder of the train ride the Marauders worked on teaching the rabbit on how to be a 'little furry problem' and from then on, whenever Remus was asked about his issue, he would show them the rabbit and everyone believed that it was indeed the problem, especially when it started chasing Severus Snape around whenever it saw him.

**_In case you don't know, Flopsy is taken from Peter Rabbit, Bre'r from Uncle Remus' stories, and Bugs is from Looney Tunes._**


End file.
